Now that the Secret Service has ended its laughable probe to find out who left cocaine in the White House, it can start searching for whoever in the First Family or on the White House staff has been puffing the wacky tabacky.
That’s marijuana, for those unfamiliar with the patois of heads, dopers, and pharmaceutical experts such as Hunter Biden.
Someone with access to 1600 Pennsylvania left some Laughing Grass behind, news reports disclosed after noting the end of the Secret Service’s “investigation” into the mystery toot.
SS Befuddled
A spokesman for the Secret Service told Fox News that agents found Aunt Mary in the White House twice in 2022.
“No one was arrested in these incidents, because the weight of the marijuana confiscated did not meet the legal threshold for federal charges or D.C. misdemeanor criminal charges, as the District of Columbia had decriminalized possession,” the spokesman said. “The marijuana was collected by officers and destroyed.”
Agents found “less than .2 ounces of marijuana in both instances.”
That makes three times since Sleepy Joe took office that illicit if not illegal drugs have been found in the White House.
Jazz cabbage aside, Representative Lauren Boebert of Colorado discussed details of the Secret Service briefing at which agents disclosed they would close the cocaine probe. She wants to know what kind of people President Biden and FLOTUS Jill are bringing into the White House.
The area where the cocaine was found “should have had video surveillance, especially since this is not the first time that drugs have been found on the White House property since Biden has taken office,” the congresswoman told Fox:
“And it just poses the question: What kind of people is Joe Biden bringing into the White House?” she added.
The cocaine was found in a “cubby” near the West Executive entrance, where visitors drop their belongings.
When Boebert asked agency officials about the lockers in the area, she told Fox, they admitted a key to the locker in question was “missing.”
“There are 182 lockers in that foyer and currently … locker number 50 where the cocaine was found, that key is missing,” Boebert told Fox:
“There were more than 500 people who went through the West Wing during the weekend of when this substance was found, when the cocaine was found in the White House, and none of those people who have come through are classified as suspects.”
“We do not know how many were tourists, individual citizens, or staffers, and they currently are not looking any further into those more than 500 people who entered that foyer of the West Wing during that weekend,” she said. “Instead, they are quickly wanting to close this investigation and move on to the next Biden crime crisis.”
Boebert also told Fox News that she had learned that “there are no logs of the lockers. There’s no video surveillance of the lockers.”
In other news, a major area of the White House has no surveillance cameras.
Original Finding
The latest embarrassment for the coconuts running the Biden administration surfaced when someone found an “unknown item” that invited a visit from the Washington, D.C., fire department’s hazmat team.
Early reports said a Secret Service uniformed agent found the blow in the White House library. Firefighters tested the white powder and determined it was cocaine hydrochloride.
The finding invited the obvious conclusion that raging drug addict Hunter Biden left or lost it.
Shortly thereafter, Politico reported that the Secret Service probably wouldn’t arrest anyone. The agency had no suspects, and likely wouldn’t find one.
“It’s gonna be very difficult for us to [find the culprit] because of where it was,” the official told Politico:
“Even if there were surveillance cameras, unless you were waving it around, it may not have been caught” by the cameras, added the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity given that it’s an ongoing investigation. “It’s a bit of a thoroughfare. People walk by there all the time.”
As for the Devil’s Lettuce, the Secret Service won’t find out who belonged to that, either.
Where’s the Decency?
Finding illicit and illegal drugs in the White House is yet another scandal that should have horrified the Bidens. Joe Biden’s 2020 campaign focused on returning “decency” to the White House after four years of Donald Trump’s putative indecency.
“Let’s restore honor and decency to the White House,” he tweeted days before his suspicious victory. “We need to restore honor and decency to the White House,” he tweeted that September.
“Dr.” Jill was equally worried about “decency,” tweeting that “decency is on the ballot.”
That was after Hunter Biden’s notorious laptop surfaced. The laptop contained photos of underage girls and a naked Hunter with a gun and cavorting with prostitutes, the miscreant’s confession that he was accused of sexual impropriety with a 14-year-old girl, and emails that proved Joe Biden was up to his elbows in Hunter’s business deals across the globe.
