Saving the Planet, One Empty Bladder at a Time

All Nippon Airways declares that empty bladders will lead to cleaner air. According to their algorithm, an empty bladder means a lighter passenger and a lighter passenger means lower fuel use and lower fuel use means lower carbon emissions and lower carbon emissions will save our planet.

First the government of Bangladesh told us that we can protect our mother Earth by taking off our coats and ties, now Japan gets in the mix by suggesting that we’re plunging our fragile planet into climatological chaos by relieving ourselves too infrequently. Turns out your mother was right when she told you that it wasn’t good to hold it too long.

In order to implement this planet-protecting policy, gate staff at All Nippon Airways boarding terminals have been instructed to request that passengers void their bladders before boarding the plane. The program began on October 1 and will continue for one month; however, the trial period may be indefinitely extended if passengers are receptive and if carbon emissions are found to be noticeably reduced.

Apparently a fan of math, All Nippon Airways points out that if all 150 passengers on board an average flight use the bathroom before the flight thus emptying on average 15 ounces of fluid from the bladder, then this would equate to roughly 140 pounds of weight not taken on board the plane. The new lighter planes will expend less fuel, thus, yes, saving the planet.

Perhaps soon some forward-thinking, environmentally conscious airline magnate will combine the idea from Bangladesh with the idea from All Nippon Airways and will start a clothing optional/potty break mandatory airline that will be responsible for saving the polar ice caps. Suggestions for names for the new green airline would be appreciated.